Assembling the Sailor Scouts: Asking MY Bridesmaids
How I asked my girls to stand by me (with love & an incredibly detailed letter) | August 23, 2023 | 7 min read
A few years ago I remember seeing a viral video on Instagram where a bride shared how she wrote a letter to her bridesmaids outlining their responsibilities and expectations if they were to say yes to joining the bridal party. I made a mental note of that video & knew I wanted to give my bridesmaids as much information as possible before asking them to stand by me! Having been a bridesmaid several times before I had experienced various levels of wedding organization, and there were indeed a few times where I wish I had been provided with more information upfront! In my case it would not have made the decision as to whether I said yes to the wonderful brides I got to stand by myself, but it certainly would’ve helped with things like - planning time off from work, budgeting for outfits, or hair and makeup services etc.
#RohlaniSailorScouts
Look at my gorgeous girls on our Sangeet night!
So once we had locked our venues & exact dates for the main events I drafted what can definitely be considered an ‘overshare’ but which I felt was the best way to give my bridesmaids a detailed look at the ~8 months ahead. I broke the letter down by wedding events (pre, main & post) and under each I talked about the:
General plan - the purpose/significance of that event
Proposed timing - at least mentioning the month we had in mind
Proposed location - at least mentioning the city for those smaller pre/post events we hadn’t booked yet
Commitments - mentioning if they would have any specific religious/ceremonial responsibilities at that event, or if it would be more to help with the planning, or if there were none at all & it was just an event I wanted their attendance at in particular if they could make it! I also mentioned which events we would likely want the bridal party to be involved in the formal photo shoot for, before or after the event. This was also where I would mention if we expected them to do any special entrances or participate in a group performance, which is common at a lot of South Asian weddings.
Wardrobe - mentioning if this was one of the events where I wanted them to wear coordinated dresses or South Asian wear
Cost - an explanation of what costs I would be covering for the event on their behalf, and if there were any additional ones for them to budget for
And I repeated this structure to detail each of the following events (which were relevant to us):
Bridal Shower
Bachelorette Trip (distant with just bridesmaids who could make it)
Bachelorette Party (local with my girlfriends)
Church Rehearsal
Mehndi Ceremony
Sangeet
Church Ceremony
Hindu Ceremony
Reception
After Party Brunch (which ended up being a “Doli” following the Hindu Ceremony instead!)
I also included an “additional notes” section at the end that mentioned other things that might come up which I may rely on them for - such as joining me at some wedding trade shows, or when I shopped for my wedding dresses!
We included our bridal party in our post-church ceremony photo shoot
Rohan & I both decided we wanted to cover as many costs as possible for our bridal party - so this included budgeting for their coordinated outfits (suit rentals for guys, sari & dress purchases for the gals, a kurta for my bridesman), Indian jewelry sets for their saris, makeup & hair services for the bridesmaids for the ceremonies where they were wearing their coordinated outfits, hotels for the nights I wanted my bridesmaids to stay close together for our MUAH services and other incidentals! I left things like shoes, western jewelry and other things up to my bridesmaids, and encouraged them to wear what they felt most comfortable in.
It might not be possible to cover as much in costs for your bridal party as you plan your big day & that’s ok! But it certainly helps to give your bridal party a sense of what they may need to budget for within your wedding events, and provide them with the information for them to plan ahead accordingly.
As for how I asked my bridesmaids - aka my SAILOR SCOUTS (as an homage to my favorite shero, Sailor Moon) - aside from a 5 page letter decorated with cartoon illustrations - I wanted to assemble special gift boxes for each of them that included unique tributes to our relationships.
So each box included a locally made card featuring our personal favorite pop culture reference (ex. Sabrina, my Maid of Honor is so clearly the Issa to my Molly from Insecure!) and then a few tokens of love including:
A special storage box (that they could keep Rohlani related wedding keepsakes in later!)
Bath bombs
Face masks
Candles
Notebooks
Some salty or sweet treats
And their personalized letter of course
When it came closer to the main events I also prepared special “Rohlani Bridesmaid Go Bags” with a few things I have found I usually needed as a bridesmaid in the past! These included:
Matching silk robes for when we were all getting our MUAH done together
Tote bag
Body mists/perfumes
Makeup bags
And an “emergency kit” I put together with the help of my amazing bridesmaid Annie, which included: bobby pins, band-aids, hair ties, safety pins, kleenex etc.
And more importantly, one thing both Rohan & I wanted to make sure of was that our bridal party was never hungry or without snacks/drinks! So Annie and I also prepared snack bags for each of our bridal party members for the main ceremony days, and we carefully ensured that the cars shuttling our groomsmen & bridesmaids were always stocked with water and more snacks for our team.
In the end, I was glad that my bridesmaids were grateful I kept them informed throughout our wedding planning! And in return they did an amazing job throwing me a beautiful bridal shower, celebrating me in LA on a fantastic bachelorette trip & taking me out for a very memorable local bachelorette party in Toronto closer to our wedding! And of course they were there for me every step of the way helping with big decisions, advising on outfit decisions, coordinating dances, allowing Rohan & I to run ideas by them, providing me with emotional support and generally being there for any other thing I came to them with!
And at the end of it all my Sailor Scouts stood up there with me as I proudly married my Tuxedo Mask.
The whole crew at the beautiful “Dilani in Paris” bridal shower they organized for me!