Keeping Space for Appa: Ways To Honor Late Loved Ones At A Wedding
Here are some of the unique ways we made sure my late father was an important part of our wedding. | Sept 2 2023 | 6 min read
My father, Iyackuddy Ravi Rabindran, passed away in early 2018 from Pulmonary Fibrosis. Unfortunately he never got a chance to meet Rohan, whom I met after that - but I firmly believe that my Appa had to go up to Heaven to send Rohan to me, here on earth.
Naturally, while growing up, I often imagined having my dad walk me down the aisle, so there were certainly tough times when we were planning the wedding where I missed my dad an extra special amount. But I always knew that Rohan & I would incorporate and honor Appa during our wedding as much as possible.
Here are a couple of special ways that we did so:
MEMORY TABLES
We kept space for a “memory table” at each one of our events that included a framed photo of Appa, as well as old family pictures, including special ones of he & I. I made a point to keep different family photos at each event so guests who were attending, especially for those from Rohan’s side who may not have met my dad, could see some of our warm memories with him. We also had the same framed sign each day that said “In Loving Memory of Iyackuddy Ravi Rabindran - aka Appa - the father of the bride”. Appa’s name was also included on all invitations, of course, and wedding programs.
Performances of Appa’s Favorite Songs
We asked several different groups of our family & friends to perform dances or sing at our Sangeet, including my dad’s siblings and nieces. Appa was one of 10 children, so I am lucky enough to have been blessed with a huge & talented family on his side! And early on I told Rohan it would be important to me for my aunts and uncles to perform at our Sangeet, as I had grown up watching them sing songs together (while my dad dedicatedly managed their A/V with a passion!). Little did I know that their performance would move me to tears when they chose to sing a medley of some of his favorite songs, and also wore ribbons in his memory - to draw awareness for others fighting Pulmonary Fibrosis.
Bouquet Charms
Bouquet charms are a great way to honor late loved ones at a wedding, and I was fortunate enough to be gifted 3 different ones from 3 special women in my life. I decided to use one that was so sweetly sent to me by my cousin, Theexi, in the US who was unable to attend our wedding on the day of our church ceremony; it had pictures of both Appa as well as my maternal grandmother, Mummy, on it. And I used another one gifted by one of my best friends, Sangeeta, which contained Appa’s pic, on the day of our Hindu ceremony.
Those we love don’t go away, they walk beside us every day.
Reserved for Appa signs
Early on I had an idea to keep a physical space for Appa at both of our religious ceremonies, so I designed a special sign and instructed our coordinator Saamah on where to place it at church amongst our family’s seats. And I was truly touched that our Hindu priest felt a seat should be kept on the Mandap itself for Appa, right next to my mom, and so they brought extra seats on to the stage to accommodate for Appa, as well as my mom and brother.
Donations in Lieu of Favors
Early on Rohan & I decided that we did not want to give out wedding favors at our reception, and would rather put the money towards something more meaningful to us. So in lieu of favors we made a sizable donation to the Canadian Pulmonary Fibrosis Fund, in memory of Appa. We also included cards on each table at our reception that indicated what we had done, and encouraged guests to donate as well, if they chose to.
Although it will always be difficult to get married without a late parent present, in person, there are certainly special ways you can incorporate and honor them with love on your big day.
On that note, I am extremely grateful that I had my beautiful Amma and my awesome big brother, Krish, there to walk me down the aisles at both our ceremonies and give me away with love, just as I know my Appa would’ve.
